Getting IT back

I'm sorry for the person I became.

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I'm ready to be sure that I never become that way again.

Cause who I am hates who I've been.

-"Who I am hates who I've been"

     -Reliant K

So in December of 1999 I tossed any IT I had left into the trash and walked away from God's plan. (If you didn't already read this part, you need to)

Fast forward to March of 2008.  I had chased dreams of acting...not very far...but chased after them to a point.  I got kicked out of school.  That happens when you keep registering for class and not going.  I moved back home with mom and dad, moved out on my own.  Got a job, got a girl pregnant, got smart and married her with my daughter as our flower girl.  I had recognized how desperately I wanted IT back.  But I knew that the past near-decade meant I would be unable to ever have IT again.

I had tried working with youth in a couple of churches with varying degrees of success over the years.  Finally my wife, Diana signed our daughters up for dance class.  In a true God moment a dance teacher I still have never met changed the course of my life by inviting my family to Grace Point Church.  My job at the time required me to work most Sundays so my family went without me for a couple of weeks.  When I finally got a chance to go...I was encouraged by the message.  As we drove away I decided we would go back again...the key decision anytime we visit a church.  I changed jobs and we begin to attend Grace Point here and there and I was OK with that, up to last spring.

In February, I agreed to be in a play.  Along the way, God got involved.  

The play was called "Brooklyn Boy" and yours truly played a 40-ish Jewish author who's finally realized so professional success only to have everything else fall in around him.  His father is dying, his buddy from school feels he's sold out, and his wife is divorcing him.  We went through several actresses to play my wife and each had issues pop up that didn't allow them to commit.  Then as a last ditch effort our director contacted an actress who he worked with before and she agreed to help out...even though it wasn't really convenient.

Trish probably has no idea how much she means to me and my story.  She was a terrific actress to work with.  Our one scene together was the highlight of a wonderful show for me every night.  We really worked well together.  But off stage I found that Trish was a strong Christian woman.  And we began to discuss my past, my desire to get IT back, and how I was convinced that I could no longer be used to minister to students because I had thrown IT away.

Trish spiritually slapped me outside the head with a "snap out of it" kind of moment.  She told me I was buying into Satan's lies.  And she was right.  I spent some real time thinking and praying and reaching out to God again.  We started going to Grace Point..... well...... religiously.  I talked with Andy the Student Pastor and got involved with the Youth group.  When Andy moved over to the college ministry and John took over the youth, I got even more involved.  I joined a Men's group with some of the greatest men in the world and I begin to get involved everywhere I could.  I now realize that my past doesn't make me unusable for God.  God met me right where I was and by embracing my story I can help those who are missing IT.

I'm proud to say I got IT back...most definitely.  

How about you.  Maybe your not with IT now.  If your not sure if you have IT, I venture to say you don't.  And if you never had IT, we need to talk.

See here's the thing with IT.  IT overflows.  I have IT spilling out all over the place.  And I am willing to share IT.  If It is missing for you, I want to help you get IT back.  If you've never and IT, I want to show you the joy and abundance that IT brings.

Do you want IT?  Dumb question.  Of course you do.  

Shoot me an e-mail at philguard@msn.com and I'll share IT with you, and before you know it, you'll have IT overflowing from your spirit and wanting to share IT with others.

How I lost IT...

Stop right there,

That's exactly where I lost IT.

See that line,

I never should have crossed it.

Stop right there,

I never should have said that.

It's the very moment that I wish I could take back.

-"Who I am hates who I've been"

-Reliant K

I've been reading Craig Groeschel's book "IT". IT is the hard to define quality that we see in Christian leaders and ministries.  IT us hard to define but easy to see and unmistakable when IT's present.  It has been a defining experience for me.  And it got me to thinking about 10 years ago when I unquestionably lost IT.  

A little over ten years ago I recognized a call to ministry, specifically Student ministry.  I was a Junior in High School.  I walked out of the doors of High School oozing with IT.  I enrolled in Howard Payne University majoring in Christian Studies ready to carry my IT into the world and make a radical difference for Christ.  But, unknown to me at the time, my IT was fading.  Less than 2 years from enrolling in HPU I changed majors and schools to live my life like I wanted.  Where did IT go? and why?

Quite simply, I didn't care at the time.  But looking back, it's almost embarrassing how I let IT get away.  As you could quickly guess, if I made you, It centered on a girl.  Surprise, and 18 year old guy got all screwed up over a girl.  

I want to be very clear.  My discombobulation was my fault.  Not hers.  No one is responsible for my misplacing of my IT but me.  

I met her the 4th day of my senior year at lunch.  We had an almost identical desire to make Jesus famous.  That night I saw her again at a planning meeting for a campus ministry that her church and my church were planing together.  I pursued her recklessly for months and finally convinced her I was not a lunatic but a decent guy.  We became friends and before long we were dating.  

I spent every moment I could with her.  When I wasn't with her, I was thinking about her.  As the adage goes, "I was smitten.  I was in deep smit."  She became my world.  And that was the problem.  

When I left for college in August she still had a year left in High School.  I moved 5 hours away to chase God and left my heart and my mind in Garland.  For a year, I traveled back home every chance I could to see her...not every weekend or anything, but pretty often.  I was working with a church near college as a Youth Director.  I would leave Brownwood on Thurs. after class, (I arranged my schedule so I didn't have Fri. classes) and head to Garland.  I'd spend the weekend with her and then jump in my Jeep on Saturday night or very early Sunday morning and race to teach a Sunday school lesson I had not prepared for.  When summer came around, I left the Pastor in charge of the summer program so I could move back home and work at the pool I lifeguarded at....with her.  

Now, you tell me...why did I lose IT?  Was it having a girlfriend?  Nope, not at all...if fact I think God had put her in my path, and He's not trying to drag my IT out of me.  The issue was one of priority.  If the decision came down to God or her I didn't even stop to think and pray about it.  I did what I wanted.  She became my world.

When she finished High School, she enrolled at HPU.  After 4 days in Brownwood she expressed a desire to live her college experience without being tied to someone.  She dumped me.  And it wrecked my whole world.  I went through the darkest period of my life because a 19 year old girl rejected me.  I gave up on God's plan.  He had taken away more than I was willing to give up.  The church I was working with asked me to take a step back and get my head on straight.  I got angry and stopped doing anything with the students there.  I decided I wanted to be an actor so I made a hasty decision to change majors.  (really hasty...I walked into Greek one day as a Christian Studies Major and walked out a Drama Major)  As the semester drew to an end I decided to change schools all together.

In December of 1999, I took God's plan for my life and tossed IT in the trash.  And left IT there for almost 10 years.

But take heart, I got IT back.  Stay tuned....

"Failure is not an option...it's essential." Craig Groeschel

I changed schools in January of 2000. I gave up on my call to the ministry with the reasoning that I could minister in any walk of life. I left HPU for Angelo State because HPU had very little going on in theatre.


It's true that we are all called to minister, no matter where we are in life. But there is a distinct difference for those called into full-time ministry that I refused to recognize at 20. In that season of life I wanted to be an actor and ministry would have to come along side what I wanted or it wouldn't happen. Consequently, it didn't happen.

My mom came to see a play I was in at ASU and brought a John Maxwell book for me called "Failing Forward". It was not really a secret that mom didn't agree with my decision to change schools and majors. And this book seemed to be a jab. I felt Mom was saying, "you're going to fail so try to fail successfully." I was offended. I never even read the book. Somewhere along the way in life it disappeared and, to be honest, I probably got rid of it on purpose.

Well, as I shared yesterday I'm reading through a book called "IT". Today I read something that will stick with me for a long time. The idea that failure is not an option is 100% right. If you want to succeed you have to try things...undoubtedly you will fail. There is no option if you try you will fail.

In sports there's an adage I hate. "If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying." However, it occurs to me that changing the word "cheating" to "failing" works. Face it, if you succeed at everything the first time you try it, buy a lotto ticket.

To put it in another context. I'm hanging out with my daughter today. She woke up with a fever so she couldn't go to school. In a few minutes, I'm making Grilled Cheese sandwiches for lunch. I make a good Grilled Cheese sandwich...you know why? Cause I've made some awful Grilled Cheese sandwiches. When I've messed it up I've taken note of what I did wrong and didn't do it again. Eventually, I eliminated several bad practices and make a good Grilled Cheese sandwich 90% of the time. (note: I still fail every now and then)

So, sorry mom. (she won't be reading this so I might go ahead and voice that as well) The book might have taught me something I come to realize almost 10 years later...Failure is not an option, it's essential.

Thanks mom and Craig Groeschel.

"It" and "ME"

I'm reading "It" by Craig Groeschel (bout halfway through, thanks to John D. for lending me a copy). In "It" he writes about those churches that are filled with this undefinable quality...something I would define as life. I've been in church bodies that are alive. I've also been in church bodies that are comatose. I've even been attached to churches that were dead. As a minister who hopes to build a ministry that is full of "It" (as opposed to being "full of it", very different) I find it necessary to search for "It" so I never find myself running a comatose or dead ministry.

Part of the "It" idea is really, really exciting. As Christians, we've all experienced"It" personally. "It" overflows and you can't contain "It". You have to shout and dance and sing and raise you hands and tell others how full of joy you are, and why this joy overflows in you spirit. And you cry. When "It" is present you bawl. (that's true Texan word usage) See when "It" happens to you, you realize who you truly are and what your worth. You have a dirty tattered rag of a life and Christ openly offers an exchange. A spotless gleaming robe. And all he wants in return is your rag. And when you get that, you weep. I'm don't deserve what I've been given...and I don't want what I deserve.

Another part of "It" is scary. Because, as Groeschel writes, "It" can disappear without much notice. Why? At this point, I'm not sure I know...to be real honest it probably has something to do with a connection to the Holy Spirit. But we've all lost "It" at some point. In my experience when we realize we've lost "It" we don't turn inward and find that connection with the Holy Spirit ...Instead we turn to our outward appearance. We know we've lost "It", but we can't let anyone else know that. We concentrate on "ME" instead. What do I mean?

We began to make sure nobody else sees "ME" as I really am...They need to see the "ME" I want to project. A religious and u[right "ME". As I've began defining my own ministry I've pointed to some important things I want to help students get that will make them fully devoted Christ followers. One of those things was to "Avoid the Mausoleum Effect" referring to Christs admonishment of the Pharisees as "whitewashed tombs". On the outside beautiful but full of death and decay on the inside. I picked the words "Mausoleum Effect" quite by accident, an attempt to paraphrase and update the idea of whitewashed tombs. But on the bus thinking over it I realized the "Mausoleum Effect" occurs when I focus on "ME" (first letters of Mausoleum Effect). When I focus on making "ME" look right to everyone else without finding that Holy Spirit connection I make sure I'm beautiful on the outside, but inside I am full of decay.

So to me I find that the opposite of "It" is "ME". And the "ME" is the last thing I want to experience.

As unoriginal of a title as it is...I'm Back

Locker room of life was started as a place for me to pick out some sports stories and help illustrate some spiritual truths, as I see them, through the world of sports. Now, don't get me wrong...(Billy Joel's "My Life" was playing as I started writing and I think it got in my head, based on that last phrase. Sorry, reader..Nickelback's "Rockstar" is playing now, who knows where I'll go next)Anyway don't get me wrong, sports will still be a big topic. This is my little corner of the internet and I can't imagine I can avoid talking sports every so often.

But there is more to life than sports (somebody tell Diana I put that in writing) and I would be remiss to avoid the Spiritual moments in life that could edify other Christians because they don't involve sports.

For those of you who don't know me well or do and wonder why I picked Locker Room of Life for my corner on the web, here's the deal. A role model for me in high school...and to this day, truth be told...Steve used to bring us the high school football reports on Sunday morning as "Al B. Bach." Our intrepid reporter would finish each report with spiritual truth and sign off from the "locker room of life" each week. At first I borrowed the idea as a neat sports connection but over the last few months it has come to identify a point of my ministry.
The locker room is not where you play the game. It's where you prepare, or rest during a break but the game takes place out on the field. Equally, the church or this blog is a perfect place to prepare, make adjustments, and rest and replenish during a break from the life...but it's not the place God sent you here to be. Players take the prep and adjustments from the locker room onto the field...and we have to do the same. God has us all here for a purpose and it's not in the locker room.
Make time to step out on the field and play the game. You libel to get beat up and tired... you might even get injured and when you need help or edification head into the locker room and spend some time with your team. But don't waste time getting back in the game...cause here's the deal...I've already seen the final score...we win...by a lot, and you want to be part of it.